Thursday, July 2, 2015

Father's Day 2015

Father's Day

My experiences with Father's Day have been very little. This is because when I was very little, my parents divorced and then the custody battle began. Eventually, custody was settled and I was to see my father every Sunday.

Over the years, things happened with the Sunday visits. After awhile, I felt like I was a piece of rope getting pulled from one parent to another, but I did want to see my father so I endured it. However, one Christmas, we went over to see my father for a visit, and it started to snow pretty badly, so we had to leave. He wanted us to wait but even I, who was only about 12 years old, knew the roads were getting bad so we left. My brother and sister in law were in the car with us as we only took 1 car for safety. Anyhow, along the way we got in a small accident but it was still an accident. A big village snow plow backed up and right into us. No one was hurt, but we could have been. After that, I had a good think and I couldn't do it any longer - not with people getting hurt now, so I wanted to stop visiting my father on Sundays. I couldn't do anything with my friends or join any clubs because they always did things all weekend or on Sundays. Add that to feeling like a piece of property instead of a cared for little girl and I knew it was time. I told my mother my decision figuring that we would all sit down and talk about it. However, that was not what happened - I had to come out and tell everyone and all anyone could hear me say was I didn't want to come over any longer and not the reasons around it.

After that, I rarely heard or saw my father. The times I went out of my way to go see him, I felt like he didn't want me there or I was a piece of property to show off and then forget about. If he did talk to me it was about his time in the service or Elvis. Eventually I couldn't handle it any longer and got mad at him and stopped trying. I figured if he couldn't take the time or the energy to see me then why should I to him?

Anyhow, about 10 years ago now, I made a promise to try with him again to someone that matter to us both. My father since then has been trying. We talk on the phone and when we travel to the US, we go to see him. In fact, a couple of years ago, we made sure we went over on Father's Day to see him. It was the first time that I can ever think of that we celebrated Father's Day together.
My father and I on Father's Day in June 2011

Genealogy and Today
I do realize my father won't be around forever. That's a fact that one day we all will be gone. However, with my genealogy research, I'm finding there have been cycles that have been followed in each side of my family's history. One of these cycles are to have family and just not contact them at all. In fact, on each side of the family, father's have never been a huge thing with either of my parents.

Break Cycles or to Create New Ones?
I've never met either of my grandfather's. Apparently my parents agreed none of their children would have anything to do with their father's. I get the feeling something happened to them growing up and they wanted to stop the cycle. Instead, they started a new cycle - just ignoring your family that does not contact you and make no effort to contact them.

In fact, that cycle is going strong today. How? Well, you see my eldest sister and her children don't contact each other because the other doesn't reach out to them or one seems like they are always reaching out to the other. I know my second oldest sister doesn't have any contact, that I know of, with her sons either. The middle child, another sister, has one child and I think they don't have regular contact either. I know she rarely has been contacting the rest of her siblings. My brother has regular contact with his son and most of his siblings and the same goes to me. As you can see, the cycle is alive and well for most of the children of them.

Break that cycle!
Especially now with my research into family history, I want to try and break these damned cycles. I try and encourage others to break the cycles and to keep in contact with others. Its not easy - nothing worth having is ever easy, but I think in the long run it will be worth it.

Yes, I could stay mad at my father. However, I made a choice to make a promise and I never break my promises. The fact is my father will not be around forever. He's in his 80's and sometimes you have to try and let go in order to move forward. Yes, there are still unanswered questions and issues, but you work on them a little at a time, and that's the key - You still have that time. The clock hasn't run out yet. So get out there and talk things over and move forward while you still can because once that person passes away, their stories and reasoning's are gone with them. You need to ask yourself - can you live with how you've left things if they were to pass away tomorrow?

If not, then you have some work to do before that clock runs out.

Taken from