Tuesday, May 25, 2021

Cemetery Crawl - Ancestors in 52 Weeks

 Another prompt by 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks challenge. It's run by Amy Johnson Crow.

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Cemeteries are such special places; I feel drawn even to those where I don't have any ancestors buried. Which cemetery is special in your family's history? Do you have a story about "visiting" a special relative?

The first cemetery I was in was when my grandmother died and at her ceremony at Cedar Hill Cemetery in Newburgh, NY.  It was interesting because I wasn't sure what to expect, but I arrive just as the ceremony was beginning. I stood on the sidelines watching the ceremony and the people. There were A LOT of people. I had to fight my mother to be there because she wasn't going to even take me to this - her boyfriend ended up driving me and she stayed at home. I was 15 years old. 
My grandmother and I before her passing in 1988. Credit: M. Schmitz

As they finished up, it started to lightly rain. My stepmother came over to me, told me "She would want you to have this" and shoved an umbrella at me, turned and left. I grabbed the umbrella because that's all I could do. I turned and got back into the car and went home. No one else acknowledged me nor ever brought up that day. 

I never went into another one until I moved to Australia and a friend of ours died. Once again I wasn't sure of what to expect nor of what was to be done. Since then, I've gotten accustomed to them. I was at my uncle's ceremonies, my brother's, and various other people here in Australia. 

All this before I really got into genealogy. 

Once I started to get into genealogy and found out more, I relaxed more around them. Although, I'm more of a person who would rather walk around where I know someone's body is buried rather than walk over it. When or If I do, I tell them sorry, because I know I'd hate someone to be walking all over me if I were in their place. 

Since then, we've gone looking for relatives last resting spots, helping photograph smaller cemeteries, and helping where we can. Because of this we're confident and have gotten used to walking around them. I know how to act and what to do and how to look things up. 

Now when we go over to the US, we do visiting rounds of the cemeteries - cleaning grass or ice around them if need be and make sure they are all doing fine. I still have a few more I have to find and go to visit, but as we were on a timetable last time, we made much progress and will go and see others as we can. 
My grandmother and her partner Charles. We visited and cleaned off the ice on top of their headstones in 2019. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

We located my great grandparents and grandmother in a cemetery in 2019. We will now go and visit them when we go back each time. 
Credit: J. Fitzgerald

Recently, my mother in law passed away. My husband had a small chat with her before she was unable to communicate with us about where she wanted to be buried/
cremated and what she wanted. She gave us a tiny bit of instruction - cremated and down with her grandmother and soon to be mother. She had her mother, my husband's grandmother's cremains, still with her when she passed. We were able to go down to where they were and lay her to rest as she wanted. 

My husband added some stuff to bring along with us: a sweater/jumper she liked, a knitted cover that covered her until her last breath, a quilt I had started for her but hadn't finished (am working on it as a memorial quilt now), some jewelry she had, and some food/drink to represent both sides of her family's history - alcohol from the area in Ireland where she had relatives and some Yorkshire puddings to represent that side of her family. 
May 2021 - At the grave site 
Credit: J. Fitzgerald

My husband said a few things, had a bit of a cry, and wished them all a Happy Mother's Day. Yep, she was laid to rest on Mother's Day. 

This being said, we had spent a few hours visiting and laying her to rest on the day. 
Credit: J. Fitzgerald

We will keep visiting, because its important to keep in mind those that had come before us. 

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

Baiting relatives to get a nibble - Ancestors in 52 Weeks

 Another prompt by 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks challenge. It's run by Amy Johnson Crow.

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This week's theme is "Cousin Bait," which is a term used to describe the ways we try to attract the attention of others researching our families. It could be things like blogging, having a public online tree, or leaving comments on a FindAGrave memorial. Have you successfully set cousin bait or got hooked by someone else's? (You could also take a more literal route and talk about fishermen in your family tree.)

I never heard of "cousin baiting" before until I read the above definition of it. Most people who know me, know I'm a straight shooter and if asked something directly, unless it pertains to something sensitive, I'll give my opinion whether you like it or not nor if it fits in with what you are expecting or want it to be. That's just me. 

Confession time - I've done the cousin baiting thing. Yep. Am I sorry for it? Definitely not. 

I've done it on Find A Grave to memorials until I learned I can link them, and now I email the person who's in charge of the memorial to see if we're related and then get the thing linked. 

My biggest baiting I did was for my mother's aunt Helen Lasser Gauquie. 

Picture of Helen. Credit: T. Gauquie

I was going through current people I have living and did a Google search on their names as I sometimes do. However, this time it came up as she had passed away with the past few weeks. Usually its within a few years I find them like this, but this one was so close in time I figured someone might be monitoring the memorial site as it was still active. 

My entry on Great Aunt Helen's memorial site in 2014. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

I figured I'd put our names in starting at my mother's as she was the common link between us and Great Aunt Helen. There were a few memorials and for one I put my email address (as an image so it couldn't be spammed) but I don't recommend doing this now. 

It was only about a week went by and I received an email from Helen's daughter asking me how we were related and other questions. I had just as many questions about the whole side as my mother wouldn't answer any questions whatsoever. 

We started to talk over email and Facebook, and before long we started to fill in gaps. Then she hit me with a you know who you should be talking to? Jason as he's more of a cousin to you than to me. At first this really confused me because I didn't know of a Jason. Then she told me he was the son of one of my mother's brothers. I was shocked. 

Anyhow, I contacted him and we started to talk. I found out so much information about him and that side of the family from both him and Teri (Great Aunt Helen's daughter). 

I had much to share too. I had started to link up the family in Belgium which was quite expansive. It took me a few months but eventually I was starting to see the family story evolve from where we were in the 1700s to in the 2000s. It was an interesting journey that was for sure. 

We had always said if I was ever back in the US we'd have to get together to "meet". Jason and I think we saw each other back when I was about 3 1/2 and he was about 12 months old once at our Great Aunt Honey's house. 

In January 2019, I went back to the US for my brother funeral and was able to catch up with them.
My uncle with my 2 cousins and myself in 2019. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

We still do catch up, usually over email as Jason's busy with running his company and family, and Teri's busy in New York City. 
Credit: Giphy

After all
, family is very important to keep a link - if you can. Chains may be broken, but they can be repaired as well. 

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Mother's Day loss - Ancestors in 52 Weeks

Another prompt by 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks challenge. It's run by Amy Johnson Crow.

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Yesterday was Mother's Day in the US. This week, let's take a look at the mothers you're researching. (They do make up half of your family tree, after all!)

Usually on this day, I've posted about my mother, paternal and maternal grandmother, along with some of the others. However, this year's post about Mother's Day is one of sadness unfortunately. 

In April 2021 my husband lost his mother, Sue Yates. She had been in a nursing home or aged care facility for 9 months. She had a medical episode and someone found her and called an ambulance. From the hospital she went directly to the nursing home/aged care facility. 

Sue in 1997. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

During this time my husband lost contact with her as we saw her in the hospital in mid March 2020 just prior to lockdown for COVID-19. He did call and talk to her over the phone. However, one day he called and they put him through but it wasn't to her it was to a stranger. Come to find out, his mother had disappeared. 

However, upon making queries and talking to various nurses, he was lead to the aged care/aged care facility she was at. The downside no one knew who we were or why they didn't know about us. This brought us to around October or November 2020. 

My mother-in-law stabilized and then started to go downhill before she passed away in April 2021. 

It was, and is, a very tough time for everyone involved. In fact, it was only the day after Mother's Day when we received her death certificate in the mail. 

We spent Mother's Day with Brett's mother's - great grandmother, grandmother and mother - in the cemetery. 

Its been a very difficult time and yet its also a blessing for my mother-in-law to be in peace. 

An Update on My Mother

Just as an update, my mother is in a nursing home in the US. 

One of the last pictures I have of my mother and I together. This was taken in 2011. 
Credit: B.Fitzgerald

However, as I've been trying since November 2020 to call and talk to her, but the phone just rings out. I did try and call her for her birthday in March and now for Mother's Day but still haven't managed to actually talk to her. At this point, with COVID-19 I'm not sure if she's alive nor if she'd even remember she has kids due to her dementia. 

Past posts on Mother's Day. 

My post on Mother's Day in 2015.

My post on Mother's Day in 2017.

I have posted others about my mother's, grandmothers and various great grandmother's. If you want, you can just search the blog for these posts.