Oh My Brother - Ancestors in 52 Weeks

This year's challenge is 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks and is run by Amy Johnson Crow.

Topic Info:
In one of my presentations, I talk about how we have to understand how a word is being used and I use "brother" as an example. Is it being used to indicate the male child of your parents? Or just one of your parents? Or of a step-parent? Or how about a brother in the church? How about in a fraternal organization, union, or military unit? Have fun with this week's theme—there are a lot of ways you can interpret it!

I have one brother and my husband's brother, or my brother in law, calls himself my brother which, in a way is correct.

However, no one at all can compare to my brother. Ever.

My brother (middle) with his 3 older sisters. This picture was taken in the 1960s. Credit: M. Schmitz

I've stated before I'm one of five children my parents had. I was the 'baby' or the last one. My brother was the 4th, or the one closest to me in age. In fact, technically, I'm the only one who can call him Big Brother. This is something I've actually told him...when he was alive. His response was to laugh.

Charles Adam Schmitz Sr. 

My brother and I in 2000 at a niece's graduation ceremony in Montgomery. NY. Credit. B. Fitzgerald 

My brother and I were the only two really at home (the 2 oldest had moved out the middle sister was more out of the house than in it) still when our parents divorced in the 1970s. I remember drips and drabs from when we still lived there, which is great due to the fact my parents divorced before I turned 4.

We had stole green beans off of the bushes before they could be picked. He was looking one way and I was looking the other, both of us laughing the entire time.

Both of us walking on the pile of boards my father had stacked in the back to use and how a nail went up through my shoe and into my foot and me falling after because my brother jumped down as I lost my balance and over I went just after the nail went through my foot.

The times my brother and I would look at each other and just by the looks on our faces start laughing. We did this a lot over the years because we didn't have to say much, but a look said it all.

The times he made the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving because my mother told us, he was "the best damned one of us who could make them". His response was a roll of the eyes and a laugh. Mine was to walk by and whisper "Sucker!" with a smile which would make him laugh harder as he used the hand mixer to make them.

If either of us needed anything, we would be there for each other. He'd call me to watch my nephew and he knew I would do it without question. I would ask him to check over a car or give it a tune up which he would do again without question.

Since I moved to Australia, we did talk but it had slowed. However, when we visited, it was like we hadn't been apart at all and we picked up where we left off.

The group of us in 2010 when we visited. Credit: B. Fitzgerald 

Like most of my family in the US, they always get the time difference wrong, but if I heard or seen a message come through, I'd answer and he knew this. In the past few years, being the non-technical person he was, he would use whatever program he was in to contact me. Sometimes it would be Facebook and other times LinkedIn of all things. It didn't matter if it was 3am my time, I would sit there and chat with him over the internet because if he contacted me, he needed me.

This lasted until August 2018 when contact stopped and I was so busy, I hadn't stopped long enough to call him. I had made plans that no matter what the 3rd weekend in January 2019 I was going to call him. Everything else can be put on hold.

Too bad it was too late to make that call. I missed by 3 days.

My brother took his own life on January 16, 2019 in the morning hours.

My brother's picture, memorial card with a small urn with remains. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

So instead of putting in a phone call to him, we were on an airplane to farewell him less than a week later.

My brother's flowers, sympathy cards and remains in February 2019. My brother made the table and box pictured. He was very talented. Credit: K. Schmitz

As of now, 6 1/2 months later, I still miss him. Every. Single, Day. And there's not a thing I can do to bring him back. At all.

He was so very young at 55 years old. Yes, 55.

We had plans to see July 4th fireworks the next time we were over during the holiday. We wanted to get our first alcoholic drink together as we hadn't done that before. However, these are promises and plans which had ended that morning.

He is and was my brother. And my Big Brother. Nothing will ever stop that. Ever.

And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Talk it out
If you feel depressed, sad, hurting, mad - communicate with anyone. Everyone. My brother did started to this, but the doctor's stopped listening. Then he stopped talking.

If you need help in the US:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255 or Chat

"The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We're committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness." Taken from the prevention lifeline website.

If you need help in the Australia:

Lifeline Australia

Call 13 11 14 or Chat or Text

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au

There is help out there...you just have to ask.

You just have to speak up. Credit