Multiple Relationships marriage and not- Ancestors in 52 Weeks

 Another prompt by 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks challenge. It's run by Amy Johnson Crow.

Information on the Topic

This week's theme is "Multiples." Any twins in the family? What about triplets? Or maybe you have an ancestor like my 3rd-great grandmother who was married multiple times. How about an ancestor who held down multiple jobs?

In past blog posts, I have written about people who share names like if a father or son or mother or daughter are named after each other. Further, I have written before about having a namesake within the family. Each of these posts are about people could be considered multiples. 

This time I'm going to twist this and talk about people who have either been married or having partners multiple times. This includes people who have been married, but haven't divorced, but have moved on to new partners. 

Firsts

My family is probably pretty uncommon as the first divorce that I know about was my parents in the early 1970s. Prior to this, both sides were married once and that was it. 

Paternal Side

On my paternal side, my grandparents who were married twice in 1934, split up, came back together around 1945 and then split up for the final time around 1949. 

Both of these were firsts on each side (to my knowledge) because both being of Roman Catholic upbringing followed the ways of the church. I believe this is the reason why they never divorced. On my paternal side, my grandparents married twice because the first time was in the register's office, and I think my great grandfather wouldn't recognize it until they held a ceremony in a Catholic Church. This is because the second ceremony was a few months after the first at St Monica's in NYC. 

January 18 1934 Wedding certificate number 1 Credit

March 19 1934 Wedding certificate number 2  Credit

The wedding certificate from my grandmother's naturalization paperwork. Credit: USCIS

I couldn't understand why they got married twice until I put the religion context into the story. 

After my grandmother, Jean, threw my grandfather, Mathias, out, she needed the business he bought with the payout from an injury she received years prior, to help raise my father and uncle while providing the basics to her family. 

While changing the business from a bar and grill to furnished rooms to rent out, she met a man which she ended up becoming partners with - Charles Gardener. He was as much of a grandfather as a normal one and we all called him Grandpa Charlie. My siblings would tell me stories about how good he treated them.  Even I called him Grandpa Charlie, although I never met the man as he died prior to my birth. My brother and his son are named Charlie after him. 

My uncle John, Grandpa Charlie, Grandma Jean, Mom, Dad Christmas 1956 over a year after they married. Credit: M Schmitz

My sister with Grandma Jean and Grandpa Charlie dressed for Halloween. Credit: R. Belsito

My grandmother was with Grandpa Charlie until his death in 1970. She's even buried next to him. 

Their headstones in Feb 2019. J. Fitzgerald

My grandfather, Mathias Schmitz, left after he was thrown out of the house and it was rumoured going around town living with other women, but this is not proven. My father only saw his father a handful of times after this including one right before my grandfather died while he was in Veteran's hospital. 

I grew up never knowing what my grandfather even looked like. In fact, I had thought some of the pictures I was given was of my grandfather with my grandmother, but later I was told they were of Grandpa Charlie and not our actual grandfather. The only pictures I have of my grandfather are ones from the immigration paperwork I was able to find. 

Picture from his second try at US Naturalization. Credit USCIS

Maternal Side

My maternal side's great grandparents, although married, were split up on and off throughout the years according to some of the cousins and others who knew them that I've talked to. 

My great grandparents Bernice and Apolonius were married around 1906. They had 8 children but 1 did not live past childhood. They lived around Pennsylvania and New York. All but 1 child were born in Pennsylvania. They lived a good portion of their lives, according to obituaries, around Newburgh, New York. Although Apolonius was working in NYC, and very rarely showed up around Newburgh. In fact, from what I was told, just prior to Bernice dying, she was asked if she wanted to be buried by herself or with her husband. Apparently he was pushing to be buried together. She said she did not want to be buried around that man (meaning her husband). Taking that quote, along with him working in NYC and no one really knowing of him (his grandson Jimmy said he vaguely remembers him once), you can see there was a huge split in the marriage and he was not living with Bernice. 

Both of their obituaries. Credit as per picture above. 

Anyhow, once she died, he must have been upset but couldn't get anyone to agree with being buried together. He ended up getting the burial plot next to her. Not exactly with her but close enough! I could only imagine what she had to say to this had she been alive. 

Shows both of their headstones. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

Once again, they never divorced, but lived their lives separately. I do know Bernice never had another love interest nor partner. She was busy with helping the community and her grandchildren. Apolonius, well, he's one of my brick walls, because he kept changing around his name as I discussed in this past post.  

Today

Marriages, divorces and having partners are much different than they were back in the 1900s until about 1970s. The 1970s started change in this area. 

My Parents

My parents  married in 1955 and divorced in around 1975-1976. It was not something readily done even then. My mother didn't care - she wanted out. My father, at this point, didn't really want out, but eventually after so many things said and done, he was over being married to her. 

The only picture I have of my parents together. This is just after they married in 1956. Credit: M Schmitz

With NY having one of the worst records for letting even basic facts on marriages and divorces known, I will probably never get to see these records. I do know as of around 1993 my mother had her divorce and custody papers with her as she pulled them out once and showed me quickly before taking them away putting them in her important papers. That will probably be the only time I get to see anything like them. 

My father, well, who knows? He did move on not long after. And I think it was in the early 1980s when they got married. I was never invited to the wedding, and really haven't been told exactly when they married only that they had. 

Dad and Louise in 2001. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

They are still married today. 

My mother? Well, she's had a few long term relationships, but she always vowed never to marry again and she hasn't. Her first long term relationship was with a guy named Lyle Goldsmith which she met through a family friend called Aunt Connie. 

This lasted about 10 years I think. She showed him the door in 1991 one day before I came home from school. 

The other was a guy named David Weimer. They were together about 20 years. He kept asking to marry him and she always said no. He died in 2015. 

Mom and Dave in 2001 at a parade. Credit: D Weimer

Since then she's moved to Kansas and has health problems and is currently in a nursing home in Kansas last I knew which was in mid 2020 when I could get through to her on the phone. 

My Siblings

Well, my siblings had a fair crack at multiple relationships. 

My sister Theresa 

She's been married three times with 1 divorce, one left and never heard of again, and the last one died of cancer. She's currently living by herself with no relationship as I know. 

My sister Jean

Now she's an interesting one. She's been married 1 time that I know of. My brother in law Tommy is a great guy. They were together for years. As far as I know she divorced Tommy, was living or in partnership with another guy, but she could have married him for all I know. 

My sister Debbie

She married twice. The first one they divorced because things didn't work out. Then she had a long relationship, was engaged, had a child to Mike. However, things turned sour after about 20 years and she left. She met a new guy, Ralph, and they've been married for a few years now. 

My brother Charlie

He married one time until his death. They were married 34 years. They have one child, Charles Jr. We all still miss him even after 2 years. 

Charlie and Kathy at their wedding in 1983. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

Me

Married once and still going strong after 26 years. No children as found we couldn't have any. 

Brett and myself at our wedding in 1997. Credit: J. Fitzgerald

In Closing

In the recent generations, people aren't marrying or if they are its after they've been together awhile. Even then, the divorces are done quickly as well. It seems like no one works at them any longer, or at least that's the way it feels. 

That being said, I think once you find the right person, it depends on how much you really want to be together with them which is why people stay together. It doesn't really matter if there is a piece of paper involved or not. That paper isn't going to make you want to stay together (as proven above), its the feelings behind it that matter. 

My maternal great grandfather Jules's wedding ring found after he died. They were married in 1896 and never divorced. They are even buried together on the church grounds.  

Although as a genealogist I would recommend doing the paperwork so we can find you!