A Mother's Loss - Ancestors in 52 Weeks

 Another prompt by 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks challenge. It's run by Amy Johnson Crow.

Information on the Topic

This week's theme is "Loss." Loss is universal. There are many ways to explore this theme, whether it's the loss of a loved one, a livelihood, freedom. You could take a research-based angle on it and talk about the loss of records where your ancestors lived.

When I read about this topic, one came to my mind - my maternal grandmother, Janet Dorothy Jagodzinski/Barry Gauquie. Yes, that's a long name. I've written before about the Jagodzinski/Barry name challenges and confusion.  Although it was good to hear directly from my uncle in 2019, about there being this name change which I had suspected, but had no proof. He didn't know why, but he did hear about there being a name change. 

Why the title A Mother's Loss?

My mother "lost" her mother at a young age. She knew it was when she was young and estimated it at about 8 or 9 years old. Her mother, Janet, was in and out of mental hospitals when my mother was growing up. My mother told me very little about her life as a little girl other than her mother wasn't around until she came home from the mental hospitals, her father cheated on her mother, and she spent a lot of time with her grandmother and loved her very much. Also, I was named after her by having her name as my middle name. 

This is what I had to start with at all. I didn't know last names until I started to ask pointed questions. "What was your mother's last name when she was born? Where was she born? What was your father's name and where did he live/die? What was your grandmother's name?" and the questions went on and on. 

It didn't help my mother wasn't very forthcoming, for the most part, either. She would spell names differently, change names, say she didn't know then later give the information, and the game went on and on. 

Then I started to find things and put things together. In fact, now over 20 years later, I'm still not sure exactly what happened, but the story with the things I was able to find I'm putting together very slowly. 

Background on Janet

Anyhow, my grandmother, Janet Dorothy, had a, I guess you can call it challenging, upbringing. Although her mother, Bernice tried to make it as stable as she could. I suspect the challenging and unstable part probably came from her father Leo/Appolanus(which has a few spellings) as he seems to be almost a ghost in some respects. He was there, then not, and then there again. 

This is Janet. Picture taken around in 1930s estimated. Credit: J. Gauquie

Then Janet moves to Newburgh, NY, which I suspect was to be around her sister and meets my grandfather, Louis. My grandfather had his own demons which I've written before about. 

Unsettling & Health of Janet

My grandfather finally settles down and works for the Erie Railroad Company. Although, now with kids, they move around a bit, but always returning to Newburgh, NY for a bit where both of their families have mostly settled. 

All credit as above for newspaper articles.

This probably upset and unsettled Janet. Back in the 1920-1940s, women were to have children, take care of the home and stay at home. Also, they usually asked for help from relatives and especially their mothers. 

Further, Janet was Polish by decent, but born in the US. The Polish try and help each other, keep things internally, and love to have family close by. However, with Louis being moved around for work, would have made it harder on her. 

Also, what didn't help was on her side of the family, there were many problems with heart disease. Many of Janet's Aunt's and Uncle's were either having problems with it, had died of it, or just died outright without any problems. In fact, we know Janet had problems with her heart in her later years and needed constant medications for it. 

I think if things were tight, Janet probably did without her medications too. 

What did happenings around World War 2 do to Janet?

What didn't help was World War 2. At this point, Janet and Louis were living in Pennsylvania and had a real estate transfer in 1940 (as you can see by the above newspaper articles). Louis registered for the World War 2 registration on October 16, 1940 where it lists himself as working for the Erie Railroad Co (FA Howard) and his wife as Janet. 

This is Louis' first page of his WW2 registration form. Credit

In 1943, is where it gets nuts. They have 2 children under 7 years old, which is my oldest uncle and my mother. However, in May 1943, his name is mentioned under the draft in the newspaper. He has the classification, though, as 2-B. It says "Registrant deferred because of occupation in a war industry or a trade or profession considered essential to national defense: (Defense contractor or reserved occupation). This exemption was discontinued in 1951." (Credit)

Louis Gauquie's name is half way down the list. 

Credit: Pike County Dispatch (Milford, PA)

In August 1943, Louis' name was mentioned once again under the draft in the newspaper. He has the classification of 2-B once again. 

Credit as noted above

In November 1943, Louis' name was mentioned again. This time his classification is different - it's 1-A. "Available for unrestricted military service."(Credit) I think this would have scared him as he was a married man with a wife and children. 

Credit as noted above

However, by mid-November 1943, Louis' name was mentioned again and his status was reverted back to 2-B which is what he had prior to earlier that month. 

Credit as noted above

I wonder what happened within those few weeks? I think this, or soon after her first child in 1936, is where the loss of a mother comes into Janet's story. It could have been even after my mother's birth in 1939, my grandmother started to act differently. 

In August 1944, Janet has their second son. I can only wonder if this was one of the reasons why my grandfather's status changed? 

Did Postpartum Depression and Mental Hospitals cost my mother her mother?

I'm starting to wonder if my grandmother had either postpartum depression from each of her children and it got worse each time. Then combine this with her heart disease and missing medication. Remember, back during this time, they did not have the medications and recognize some of these diseases. In fact, others have stated they were treated by a form of electroshock therapy (known now as Electroconvulsive therapy) and put in a mental hospital. Or it could be, Louis was afraid he was about to be shipped off to war, and decided to put Janet in a mental hospital and started the electroshock therapy, so he would have an excuse to have the deferment back? 

Then add in that Louis had problems with gambling, drinking and womanizing. I think this would have push many people over. My uncle was able to verify my mother's memory of the womanizing when they were very young children. I do know my mother told me when she was very young, her mother was around until she was about 7 or 8 years old. Then she went into the hospital and then it was a ping pong back and forth. My mother did say when she was growing up after her mother was in the hospitals, they spent much of the time with her maternal grandmother, Bernice. 

Credit as above.

I do know from my mother, her mother was in and out of the mental hospitals quite regularly. In fact by 1948, the family was living in Newburgh, NY again. I think they moved back because my grandfather had to be by family for the kids and for food along with working for the railroad. 

My father, who met Janet before marrying my mother in October 1955. He always says Janet treated him good, but she was fascinated by the Newburgh-Beacon Bridge and would spend hours look at it. Along with blessing everything in site. 

If you think about it, from 1944-1955, which is 11 years, of going in and out of mental hospitals for various treatments like electroshock therapy (known now as electroconvulsive therapy), would have taken its toll. 

My grandmother was able to let out of the hospital and was staying with her sister, Genevieve and her husband, but once again, it wasn't a good situation. This time I know from talking to others, she was denied her medication for times, which the doctor realized and finally took her out of the house and put her into NY state care.  She was in this care until she died. 

I did get to meet her myself a few times in my life. Once we found her, which we never knew where she was because they moved her around, we would visit by sitting in the living room type of room and we would try and talk to her. She was so doped up on drugs she was almost in a trance.  One Thanksgiving, we arranged for her to come over to our house for Thanksgiving. I got to sit next to her. However, she didn't say much in the trance state she was in. She did look at me once and I could almost see there was something in her eyes that turned kind. This was the last time I saw her. 

So not only did my mother miss out on her mother's love, but we all missed out on our grandmother entirely. Further, I think this had a major impact on how my mother was a mother. Not that she gets a pass on how she treated me (not sure about the others), but it would make sense of things she said and did in some form. 

In fact, we didn't even know when Janet died. When I started doing my genealogy research, I found her on the SSDI. I had the "pleasure" of informing my mother about her death. 

Credit

In 2019, I was able to go full circle to find out where my grandmother is actually buried - behind her parents. It was shock because I found her parents over the internet via obituaries. Then my brother died and I could visit only to find my grandmother's burial  place as well. 

Janet (in Back) with her parents in front of her. Credit J. Fitzgerald

Janet with my brother (tiny urn) and myself in Jan 2019. Credit J. Fitzgerald

What makes this even sadder, is that because Janet was in state care, no one was told that she died, how she died, and where she died. Because of NYS HIPAA laws, we cannot and could not get any of her health records which would help the current generations know what we might be able to protect ourselves from. In fact, if anything, NY is trying to tighten and strength these laws. Why can't people get to know what their ancestors had and might have died from? This angers me. 

As each time I find out more information, or building blocks, to her family's story, the more information falls into place. The new information I recently added was the newspaper draft lists which, when put into context with what else was going on, made you see what could have been happening within the family without being told.